I Could Be There For You
by mixtape218
Summary: After all the drama of junior year, Quinn has had enough, can't take anymore. Before she goes pink!Quinn, Rachel has to bring her back from what is making Quinn so incredibly depressed. Rated M for swearing and self-harm.
1. Breathe Me  Sia

**This is my first fic and I had so many ideas so if you get bored reading this, I hope you skip forward and get to the drama at the end.**

"Are you kidding me?" Quinn asked her reflection as she attempted to zip up her size 2 skirt. She was forced to turn the zipper from her side to just inside her hip bone in order to finish the task and she ended up sucking in her stomach in order to turn the zipper back to her side. This made her feel humongous, bloated and disgusting...

Even with perfect hair plus impeccable fashion, along with a satisfying reputation keeping her clear of slushies she cannot get past the fact that size 0 and size 2 clothing don't fall off her like they fall off the other girls. She pinched her skin and maybe half a gram of body fat in her fingers and she grew incredibly frustrated.

XoXoXo

Blaine sang his fourth ballad to Kurt in only two weeks. Rachel effectively tuned him out after scathingly criticizing his technique. She then began her second favorite activity; she loved gazing at Quinn. Shamelessly staring whenever Quinn sat in front of her and unconsciously glancing over her shoulder whenever Quinn sat behind.

Fortunately Rachel stole the middle seat in the back row of chairs for optimal Quinn viewing. Unfortunately Rachel did not see much more than blank stares and frowns from the blonde. Usually it was all scowls and smirks from Quinn to her "lesser" Glee-mates but Rachel noticed Quinn was completely aloof this afternoon. Even though the blonde had admitted that Glee was a substantially rewarding part of her school day, one would not have been able to tell at all lately. Presently Quinn was paying no attention to Blaine and instead chose to stare out the open doorway, ankles crossed, long sleeve blouse pulled past her wrists into her fists. She wasn't even startled when Kurt sprang up next to her, applauding his boyfriend.

The bell rang suddenly and Quinn shuffled to her next class. Normally Rachel would follow closely behind Quinn before she made it to class, but Rachel was unable to catch up.

XoXoXo

"It's wonderful to see you this morning, Quinn," Rachel said the next day when she emerged from the bathroom stall. Rachel was surprised and pleased to find Quinn in the otherwise empty bathroom. Happy accidents are what Rachel attributed this surprise alone time to with Quinn. She would never admit to planning such trysts... if you could even call them that. Quinn put down her cover up, pulled down her sleeves, washed the make up from her shaky fingers and continued to apply mascara. Only then did Quinn acknowledge Rachel's greeting with a sarcastic smirk towards Rachel's reflection, and rolled her eyes.

Outwardly, Rachel was not troubled by this, though internally she sighed. Rachel washed her hands and offered, "Did you sleep well?"

Quinn leaned closer to the mirror and grunted her reply. Rachel took the opportunity to stare into hazel eyes since Quinn wouldn't have noticed. Rachel continued:

"After my nightly Myspace video posted I had some warm tea which allowed me to sleep more peacefully. My dads bought it from a lady behind the organic food store, thus I was a little concerned by the lack of proper FDA labeling."

Quinn hummed, "Sorry I didn't add to the criticism last night, Berry." She put her mascara away.

"It's fine actually..." Rachel moved to dry her hands and noticed the make-up on Quinn's sleeve. "I understand your distaste for my voice and confidence and maybe even your distaste for my existence." Rachel moved her hand towards Quinn's sleeve to point out the make up stained on her white blouse.

Just as quickly, Quinn caught Rachel's intentions and used her forearm to push away Rachel's hands, though Quinn stared in the mirror appearing not to worry about it. Rachel then put her hands behind her back and began to walk towards the door as Quinn turned to see Rachel out.

"I have no issues telling you this, Quinn: You are still beautiful. Your nose is perfection, your voice brings much variety to our Glee club. But even past your face, I believe you have a wonderful soul hiding inside you. Your body has come a long way since the baby, and Cheerios, and even now, it is exquisite." Rachel lifted her chin and waited for a reply.

"Thank you, Man Hands, but I can take care of my own clothes and obviously, my 'beautiful' physique." Even if Quinn disagreed with every statement from Rachel's mouth, she played it off like she couldn't care less.

XoXoXo

"Fellow Glee clubbers, and mostly to my fellow Seniors, I wish to dedicate this to you all," Rachel announced as she handed Brad her sheet music and stood before the club. "I thought of this little number for us to finale with at Nationals in the spring, though of course, it is ultimately up to the votes."

Most of the club tuned her out as Rachel had at least one solo ballad to perform per week, this was nothing new. But Rachel had more that two intentions in performing this song.

"I love you all like family, and I want everyone to feel special in their own right," she added quietly, addressing the whole team though her eyes fell mostly upon Quinn's face. Rachel had been quite worried for Quinn's stability in all what she described as a "fall from grace." But just like every other day as of late, Quinn was staring out the doorway into the empty halls, pretending to find more interest in the lockers than in her teammates.

Rachel took note of Quinn's lack of interest. Rachel walked towards the corner of the room and grabbed a metal stool. She drug it over to the middle of the room allowing the screeching against the tile floor to wake up the dazed blonde, though Quinn gave one of her most daunting glares to Rachel as the other Glee clubbers groaned and covered their ears.

She looked up while everyone whined. "...My bad...," she added, blushing and smiling gently, though she knew it was the only way to snap Quinn out of her own mind.

Deep breath in. Sweet smile on...

_There'll be girls across the nation that will eat this up /_

_Babe, I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up /_

_and get down to the heart of it /_

_No it's my heart / you're shit out of your luck /_

_Don't make me tell you again my love, love, love, love /_

_Love, love, love, love._

Rachel theatrically skipped around the stool she placed in the center of the room and eventually started singing around Finn and Puck.

_I am aiming to be somebody that somebody trusts /_

_With her delicate soul / I don't claim to know much / except soon as you start / To make room for the parts /_

_That aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of_

_Love, love, love, love /_

_Love, love, love, love._

Quinn's eyes were following Rachel around the room as she smoothly weaved through the teens with mixed feelings about the song. Santana was smiling at Brittany as Brittany swayed in her chair, Tina was bobbing her head gently, and Finn was practically drooling. Quinn wasn't happy to see that.

Then Rachel came around to Quinn's corner of the risers, drug her hand across Quinn's shoulders and Quinn almost leaned into her. Almost. Quinn continued to hum along and tap her foot as Rachel finished back in front of the class.

_Started as a flicker meant to be a flame /_

_Skin has gotten thicker but it burns the same /_

_Still a baby in a cradle got to take my first fall /_

_Baby's getting next to nowhere with her back against the wall /_

_You meant to make me happy make me sad /_

_Want to make it better better so bad /_

_But save your resolutions for your never new year /_

_There is only one solution I can see here._

_Love you're all I ever could need /_

_Only one good thing worth trying to be and it's love._

Most of the girls clapped, Quinn nodded approval and added a small smile past Rachel's head. Rachel caught sight of the grin but couldn't get her hopes up before Artie cleared his throat.

"I don't see how the male voices could be added to this song," he said. He folded his arms.

Puck continued, "That's a pretty 'chick' song. If we're gonna win this time, we need to feature a badass dude lead." He also folded his arms, but not until after he smacked Finn in his stomach to snap him out of his idiot stare at Rachel.

The bell rang. Everyone left.

XoXoXo

When she made it out to her car in the mostly empty parking lot, Rachel almost slipped into the driver's seat before a soft hand fell onto her shoulder. Rachel wasn't threatened but became very tense when she turned around to find Quinn standing so close to her.

"Just so you know," Quinn began, "I'm noticing this pattern of yours."

Rachel hoped Quinn wouldn't catch onto the way she knew all of Quinn's class schedule and where she parked her car... things that would make her seem a little bit like a "creeper."

"But the song you sang today was nice. If you're trying to get Finn to like you, it's probably working," Quinn explained with a blank stare at Rachel. Quinn wasn't planning to intimidate the girl. She didn't want Finn anymore, but Rachel kind of deserved better.

"I only wanted to make everyone realize that we're all worth a lot more than what we think of ourselves," Rachel explained. "Especially the females of New Directions. We all deserve more than what we settle for."

Quinn nodded but didn't smile. She never thinks she deserves better.

"All we need is love," Rachel continued. "Not the most popular person, or the one who everyone else thinks they want. We just need someone with love."

Quinn shrugged and stepped backwards toward her car, parked next to Rachel's. But before Quinn could step too far away, Rachel offered:

"I'm making some more tea tonight, would you like to try some?"

Quinn paused and pondered. Remembering that she had nothing to do, but thoughts of spending an afternoon with Rachel raced through her brain.

"What about your nightly video for Myspace? I'd rather not be around for that."

"I have nothing prepared yet, so I won't subject you to the process."

Quinn still didn't look over at Rachel while they both stepped towards their driver's seats. She considered the caloric intake of this tea with no FDA labeling. She just won't add any sugar. "If you want, I'll follow you to your place in my car."

Rachel raised onto her tip-toes, delighted that Quinn accepted. "That would be wonderful, Quinn."

They both started their cars and Rachel led the way out of the parking lot. Truthfully, Quinn knew exactly where Rachel lived, seeing as Lima isn't very large, it's quite common to have many classmates living in one of two neighborhoods, and Santana lived a few streets down from the Berry residents. Once Santana learned where Rachel's house was, it became a monthly tradition to egg or toilet paper the house. But Quinn wouldn't admit to that now, since she was just invited over.

Why the hell is Quinn going to Rachel's house anyway? Rachel was pretty creepy, now that Quinn thought about it, and what would Santana say about it, if she happened to drive past Berry's house? Quinn doesn't even know why she approached RuPaul in the parking lot, either. Quinn's bitch face snapped back on as she turned her car around, heading back to her own house. "That was almost the dumbest thing you ever did, Quinn," she thought to herself.

XoXoXo

The next day, Rachel picked her self-esteem up a bit after the acceptation and ultimate rejection of the planned Tea-with-Quinn afternoon.

The next day it was even harder for Quinn to get out of bed, since she realized that no one cared about Quinn anymore. She has no reputation to uphold, but she still believed the world really cared about her.

Quinn was much more easily approachable without her Cheerio uniform. In fact, lately Rachel started to think that Quinn might actually not mind if Rachel was within 10 feet of her, though Rachel still endured the same insults. At Quinn's locker, Rachel approached the blonde.

"Quinn Fabray, I suggest you contribute a solo to glee club soon. I, for one, am growing tired of all the Blaine and Kurt love songs. I will also admit that everyone has grown tired of my solos too."

Internally, Quinn disagreed. She had been content with harmonizing and swaying in the background. In fact, she prefered her less-than-perfect body to remain more hidden.

"No thanks, Streisand. But you're right. Your solos are getting old," Quinn finished by slamming her locker and turning away with her nose held slightly higher in the air than she had it earlier that morning.

Rachel wasn't phased, caught up with Quinn and walked one pace behind her. She said quietly, for only Quinn to hear, "Well you should also know you like very nice in floral, today."

"That means nothing coming from you, Argyle."

Rachel stopped walking and watched Quinn gain even more confidence as she continued down the hall.

XoXoXo

"SHUT UP! God, damnit!" Quinn shouted to the ceiling.

"She lives!" Brittany said behind Quinn.

"What the hell did you spike your coffee with, Tubbers?" Santana added.

This all happened after Shuester stepped out of the room and Artie rounded on Rachel. He was mad about Rachel talking over him for the second time today. Santana was on no one's side, but also took the opportunity to tell Berry how extra "dwarfish" she looked today in her new sweater and knee-highs.

Quinn continued, "The more you idiots talk, the longer we have to stay here after school, so just shut up." She kept her eyes forward and her arms crossed.

"Quinn, you can't tell us how to do anything," Finn said. "You either work against us or you don't work at all!" Finn somehow found the balls to add something, though it helped no one.

Santana had another quip for Finn too. "You work against us everyday with your inability not to look like a constipated toddler on stage!"

All along, Rachel's mouth hung open, trying to stop the arguing but also found Quinn's outburst the most concerning.

Quinn finished, "You're right, I don't care about this club. Or anyone else for that matter."

Santana put an end to everything with one last comment. "Yeah, not even about yourself."

Quinn calmly walked out and no one but Rachel saw Quinn's fingernails digging into her arms.

"I can't believe you, Santana!" Rachel yelled and storms out after Quinn.

Rachel caught up with Quinn and held her shoulders tightly so Quinn would stop walking away. Quinn took a few more steps and put her back against the lockers. Rachel stepped closer.

"What they said was uncalled for."

"Yeah, especially the shit they said to you, Berry."

"I didn't appreciate it, no, but I didn't want it to affect you either.

"It shouldn't! A year ago I would have started all that first.

Rachel put a hand around Quinn's bicep, hoping Quinn would calm down and maybe look at her.

"People tear me down and people tear you down. We both have to deal with this... I care about you, Quinn."

Quinn's fists slammed into the lockers behind her. "Awesome. Gee-fucking-thanks." Quinn won't cry in front of anyone anymore. Not even herself. She took a strong breath in and a slow breath out.

Rachel tried to hold Quinn's fists away from the lockers.

"No thanks, Rachel." The blonde walks away.

"Quinn, PLEASE?" echoed down the hallway but only made Quinn walk faster.

**_this is my first Faberry fic and I would love feedback :D_**


	2. Wounded  Third Eye Blind

For the next week, Quinn avoided the mirror, the Glee club and Rachel Berry at all costs. Rachel took note of the blonde's behavior but didn't give up. She could have found Quinn's phone number, but decided for more subtle approaches.

_"__I __hope __you __realize __you __are __wonderful...__ -RB__"_

Quinn read the note she found in her locker, from Rachel, but there was no gold star sticker accompanying the signature. She noticed that Rachel was no longer being her "normal" self; whatever the diva used to do to annoy the _shit_ out of Quinn, it wasn't happening anymore. Rachel is as different as Quinn had become.

In the hallways, after she found the note, Quinn would pass by Rachel and watch the floor, but from the corner of her eye she could see the brunette smiling sweetly, differently than she smiled at everyone else. It wasn't her paparazzi smile.

She left more notes:

"_I care about you, Quinn... -RB", _

"_You deserve the best, I won't rest until you're happy... -RB" _

Quinn didn't know how to feel about this. She didn't want to self-pity anymore, but there was no way she could do this; she couldn't be Rachel's friend after all she did to her. The past made Quinn feel miserable. The present made her feel even worse.

Quinn left a response in Rachel's locker:

_ "__I __know __you __care, __but __you __deserve __better __than __worrying __about __me.__"_

Rachel found it the next morning, not expecting a note in return, she didn't check her locker as often as Quinn had been doing lately. After reading the note, Rachel felt determined to get to the bottom of Quinn's heart ache. It killed her to see the most beautiful girl in her life be so tortured by herself and those around her.

Quinn wasn't in class, never came to Glee anymore but her car was in the parking lot, Rachel saw. She looked around to find any sign of the blonde after school and decided to check out the practice field next to the lot. Rachel walked up the ramp to look in the stands, but found no one other than a few of the school "Skanks."

She looked under the bleachers and on the other side of them, she noticed a head of blonde hair and a flash of pink. Rachel approached cautiously and found Quinn hugging a pillar with one arm and the other hand stuffed in her jacket pocket.

"Hi..." Rachel began. She must have just imagined the pink streaks in the blonde's hair because from closer up, Quinn's hair was still as blonde as ever.

"Hey Rachel," Quinn replied with a small smile to the ground. Even if someone could read her mind, no one would expect to learn about the relief Quinn felt knowing that Rachel had found her and that they were alone.

Rachel swallowed deeply and took a few steps closer to the blonde. She almost reached out a hand to fix the stray hairs blowing in front of Quinn's face. She settled for: "How are you doing?"

Quinn sighed and felt like it was finally safe to admit her troubles.

"I wish I were okay. It's just not easy anymore..."

Rachel still didn't know specifics of Quinn's sorrow but she wanted to know more without scaring Quinn off. She had to figure out how to make the blonde comfortable and not screw up this one opportunity to get answers. She tried to form a plan, like offering tea, though it didn't work last time, so she had no confidence it would work this time.

"I want to be alone... but I don't want you to leave."

Rachel felt her heart swell at the acceptance of her company.

Quinn looked her in the eyes and tilted her head. "I almost always feel lonely, but I don't want to be."

Rachel's heart knew that she didn't have to be afraid of rejection now. She stepped closer to Quinn but played with her own sweater. Looking up and smiling into Quinn's eyes, she said: "I won't let you be lonely... you may think you have no one, but I'm right here."

Quinn's heart started beating wildly. "I don't know why you do this to me." Quinn sighed.

"Do what to you?"

"I mean... _for_ me..." she corrected and blushed. "I'm done self-pitying, but I still kind of need you."

"That's precisely why I'm here." Rachel said boldly and put her hand around Quinn's wrist.

Quinn chuckled to play off the continuous blushing. "Someone _like_you... a counsellor or someone."

"I may not be a professional, but I know things about self-esteem, and about those who try to take it away." She looked around, not having expected to divulge much of her past sorrows. But the blonde found herself staring at Rachel with a frown.

"That's exactly _why_you shouldn't be the one feeling bad for me!" Quinn almost wanted to leave and not let her anguish become Rachel's problem. No one deserved to pick up the pieces of a girl who caused so much heartache already.

"I'm not pitying you, right now. I'm not saying that... I just need to know that you're okay! I don't know why it bothers me to see you so... hurt."

Now Quinn couldn't stand to look at the smaller girl. "I deserve this much at least. And I may not have said this yet, but I'm truly sorry, Rachel."

"And because you're sorry, I forgive you," Rachel announced. "Because of that, you deserve better than what you've got now. I've accepted what you did and I don't know why I feel this way about you."

"What about me?" Quinn asked, shyly, wondering why her heart beat rapidly after that statement.

"About your... situation."

Quinn's happy heart quivered for a moment.

"You do need me...someone _like_me. And I need you to feel better..."

Quinn saw her reflection in a puddle on the ground, and she saw Rachel's face reflected too as the smaller girl stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist.

Quinn's heart beat faster than it had in months. Her eyes welled up and her heart swelled to a size she hadn't felt in years. She felt cared for. She felt loved. She took a deep breath and hugged Rachel with her arms loosely around the brunette's shoulders. As relieved as she felt, she didn't want to give away all her secrets in one conversation.

...

All weekend Rachel wondered how Quinn was feeling. "What was making her feel so bad?" she always asked herself. She didn't want to impose on Quinn's weekend plans by inviting herself over. And she didn't know exactly the protocol of when was the right time to add Quinn on Facebook. Rachel always over-thought these situations since she had only recently been accepted by the once head cheerleader.

In Quinn's mind, she was still degrading herself from the constant comparisons to other girls who took over the socially powerful position she once held.

...

On Monday morning, Quinn picked up the small piece of yellow paper that fell out of her locker. As a few jocks loudly stomped behind her, Quinn pocketed the note so she wouldn't draw attention from the prying athletes.

She dropped her bag on the floor when she got to class. She pulled the paper from her pocket.

_ "__I __tell __you __you__'__re __beautiful __because __you __are. __I__'__m __beautiful __because __I __tell __myself. __But __you __heard __it __from __so __many __others, __you __need __to __tell __yourself __now.__" _

Though there was no signature or gold star, but Rachel was the only one Quinn knew who brought colored stationary to school. She smiled at the note and felt hopeful.

Later that same day, Quinn was washing her hands before lunch when Rachel came through the door. She was flicking through her cell phone and didn't notice the blonde until she bumped into her.

Rachel smiled and was relieved to have not knocked into someone like a Cheerio.

"Hello Quinn!" Rachel began, taking in the blonde's presence with a full smile. "I apologize for running into you," she said as she put her phone back into her pocket. Quinn faced the mirror in front of her and smiled at Rachel's reflection.

"I'm not," Quinn said as she shrugged.

Rachel stood next to her friend and put her hand on Quinn's shoulder. They both looked in the mirror. They both smiled at the other, though Quinn's was a bit less intense compared to the happiness in Rachel's eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you how pretty your eyes are?" Rachel smirked as she joked at Quinn, trying to instill some more confidence.

"No, they're all too busy telling me how amazing your voice is, actually," Quinn replied with a smile to the floor.

"Quinn, you're supposed to brag about _your_beauty."

"I know!" the blonde chuckled and grabbed Rachel's hand, though her face fell serious when Rachel stepped closer and put her head on Quinn's chest. The diva looked defeated.

"I just want to help."

"I know, Rachel. I'm sorry..."

Rachel sighed but became hopeful again when Quinn draped her arm around Rachel's shoulders. "I'm not sorry," Rachel contested.

...

Rachel wasn't lucky enough to literally run into Quinn again all week. But she continued to smile in passing to the blonde in the hallways. She tried to convey all of her feelings into the smiles given and she didn't want to force their "friendship" by approaching Quinn if she wasn't ready. She had hope that Quinn was dealing with her sadness because Quinn always smiled a little at Rachel's passing presence.

...

By the end of November, winter had struck Lima. Rachel wasn't ready to give up her skirts yet, so she brought out her thermal stockings to wear at school. Quinn was smarter and more comfortable wearing nice jeans and a bright pink hoodie.

On her way out of school, Rachel shivered and held her blue sweater tightly to her body. Quinn was only a few steps behind, coincidentally and took note of Rachel's lack of winter clothing.

"Here you go, crazy," Quinn laughed as she caught up to Rachel. She held out her hoodie. Rachel's eyes filled with mirth as she heard Quinn's voice.

She smothered the hoodie back into the blonde's arms as she quickly hugged her around the waist. "It's great to see you!"

Quinn's stomach flipped over when she was held by the brunette. "Yeah...It would be great to see you too, if you weren't shivering."

Rachel stepped back from Quinn and continued to beam at the blonde. Quinn's eyes ran up and down the other girl "inspecting" Rachel's lack of winter garb. When she met the brunette's eyes again, she released a breath that pushed fog between the two girls, breaking their gaze from each other.

"Here, Rach," she offered her jacket again.

"No ma'am, I'm fine!" Rachel declined another time.

"No, seriously!" Quinn said again, exasperated at Rachel's inability to accept aid. She pushed the jacket into Rachel's arms, and before Rachel could hand it back, she pulled Rachel in for another hug. Quinn had no idea why the winter wind had no effect when the diva's presence struck.

Rachel smiled to herself and felt no need for the jacket anymore. Every touch shared between them sent her temperature soaring.

"Alright, if you insist." She put her arms into Quinn's jacket. They began to walk towards their cars.

"In case you didn't notice, it's winter now..." Quinn said with a little bit of snark, but mostly she was disappointed by the lack of sun and abundance of cloud. "It sucks."

Rachel noticed the frown return to the blonde's face and her heart sank. "Yes, I hate it too." She wanted to perk up the blonde again. "However, I've found snow can be romantic with the right company."

Quinn half-smiled at Rachel. "I suppose it is. But I haven't had much good company... since... well, for a long time."

"I'm always here, Quinn."

"Yes you are, but you won't like the snow if you continue to wear those skirts and thin sweaters all winter." Quinn aimed to change the subject.

Rachel was warmed by the joke and, like always, felt need to explain herself. As the two reached Rachel's car first, the diva added: "I think jackets and sweatshirts cause me to feel constricted. Plus my doctor has noted that I've always been a little warm-blooded."

"Oh really?," Quinn asked with a slow nod of her head and a giggle, "I'm sure you just radiate warmth and goodness!"

"Yes, you must have never taken notice, being the ice-queen and all!"

Quinn faked a look of shock, Rachel laughed and threw the pink hoodie back at its owner. Quinn caught it easily, but was still startled as the sleeve flew at her face. She dodged it but faked another exasperated look.

"Oh, now you're getting a bit more aggressive! I should have known, with your hot-blooded temper, Berry." She rolled up her sleeves, pretending to get tough at the smaller girl.

Rachel played along and widened her eyes at the "fearful" sight of the ice queen. When Quinn raised her fists, Rachel caught sight of red marks upon her arm. Rachel's body went cold and her jaw dropped when she realized what was really on Quinn's wrists. She gasped.

Quinn wondered for a second why Rachel had gone still. But when she heard the gasp, Quinn also froze. She quickly rolled her sleeves down and backed away. She tried to play it off:

"I wasn't really going to hit you."

Rachel's eyes met Quinn's as the taller girl bit her lip. But she couldn't find words to say to her.

Quinn wasn't ready to deal with this. "I have math homework." She turned and walked away.

Rachel didn't want to leave it at that. "M-Me too! I can help you with it, or something!"

Quinn, trying to finalize their conversation didn't even turn around: "I'm fine! I gotta go!" Her fists were tight.

"Please, I can help you..."

Quinn turned around to find Rachel's fists clenched too, the sight pained her, thinking they almost had the friendship she needed. But Quinn was stubborn, and still in pain. "I'm fine, Berry... I'm sorry."


	3. Keep Breathing  Ingrid Michaelson

Over the next few weeks Rachel felt like her stomach was a pit. She was tired of feeling so helpless, yet she couldn't even imagine what Quinn was going through. It had to have been so much worse for the blonde if she had to harm herself and never seek help.

Quinn didn't know how to get away from it all, or her house, or Rachel. There was no safe place away from everything. Skipping school would only draw more attention from her parents, yet by attending school she might gain unwanted attention from any of her former friends. And seeing Rachel's pitiful face would most certainly kill her inside. Quinn couldn't figure out what hurt her most: was it being laughed at, or the fact that she caused pain to a person who was so willing to help?

So Quinn ended up back at square one, not attending Glee, barely making it to classes just to keep her grades and attendance normal, then slipping past the areas Quinn knew that Rachel would be looking for her. Quinn knew Rachel's schedule as well as the diva knew of Quinn's.

...

The more relief that students felt as the fall semester ended at McKinley, the more worried Rachel became, knowing she wouldn't be able to at least catch glimpses of the blonde at school. The only thing worse than worrying about Quinn was hoping that tomorrow, she might actually come around.

_"I'm always here to talk. I would never judge you. It doesn't matter if you think you don't deserve it. It doesn't matter what happened to me before. Nothing matters but this. _"I want to change the world, instead I sleep... All we can do is keep breathing."_ I know I can help you. If you want... -Rachel Berry 3"_

Rachel added her full name, and her phone number, just incase Quinn completely forgot that the brunette existed. The song was one that Rachel was listening to on repeat, trying to figure out how to help Quinn. And when she wasn't brainstorming ways to get her attention, she was playing the song on piano. It haunted her mind as much as the sight of Quinn's arms haunted her memories.

...

Most people think that Rachel Berry does her best thinking in front of a group, dismissing their ideas while hers take full shape in her "_brilliant"_ mind. Truthfully there was only one place that allowed Rachel's mind to free itself and fully develop ideas. The brunette did her best thinking while skating on a frozen pond near the end of day, a few miles outside of the Lima city lines. While most people in the north are accustomed to winter weather but often dreaming of a warmer place to live, Rachel loved winter just for the ice skating and she reveled in the pond's solace.

On the day that school ended for winter break Rachel hurried home, still humming a show tune she tried to teach the glee club earlier that day. Finn had fallen asleep in his chair, Santana walked out cursing in Spanish and the others rolled their eyes at her, all were common reactions. Without Quinn to glance at, Rachel was losing her interest in the glee club faster than the other members left at the sound of the bell.

At home, Rachel picked out her warmest clothes, foregoing even her thermal stockings for the normal jeans and winter jacket. She wanted to spend as much time on the ice as she could. Her ice skates had been waiting patiently for her in the back of her closet and Rachel's heart was slightly happier now, anticipating her visit to the ice. She dressed as warmly as possible, grabbed a snack on the way out and drove carefully over the new fallen snow.

As usual, no one was driving outside of Lima city limits as the sun began to fall behind the horizon. Rachel was safe and very content to be alone on the ice this afternoon. She loved singing to the frozen trees and was able to be as loudly as possible (she google Earth-ed this area to make sure there were no mountains she might cause to avalanche). There were no worries, no homework, no rude on-lookers out here. She sang to herself as she skated along the edges of the wide pond.

...

Quinn didn't want to go home. She didn't want to go home ever again. The only things there were disappointed parents, pictures of their perfect daughter... and the other one. Not even a dog or a loyal Lord Tubbington like Brittany had. Quinn wished there was something to go home to. Instead she went for a drive. She knew if she stayed away, she wouldn't have to deal with anyone.

She drove out of town. Her experience of driving on ice and snow was plentiful so she hardly payed attention as the busy roads became scarce and buildings lining the streets were replaced by hundreds of trees.

A few miles past the city she saw a car on the side of the road. Her pessimistic mind thought it could only be a horrible trap for a victim to pull over and try to help a crazy person planning to kill them. She planned to drive by and pretend not to notice the "helpless stranger" but as she got closer and her headlights illuminated the back of the small car, she realized it was Rachel's.

_Oh my god, what if she's hurt? She wouldn't pull over for a stranger! She's not stupid. What if she crashed?_

Quinn sped towards Rachel's car and grabbed her Mag-light flashlight as a weapon in her shaking hands. She pulled off the road behind Rachel's car and saw no sign of the other girl. _Oh fuck..._

She jumped out of her car and quietly trudged through the snow to Rachel's driver's side door. _She's not inside..._ Quinn was scared of what might have happened to her. The sun was setting and her mind could hardly process anything past her fogged breath and terror-filled thoughts.

Quinn walked further off the road to follow small footprints in the snow. _Thank god there's only one set..._ As she got past one line of trees, Quinn saw nothing except a huge sheet of ice. She shined her flashlight along the edges of the frozen pond and noticed ice skate etchings all over it. And she heard a voice.

"Who's there?" called a deep, but feminine voice.

"What?" Quinn shouted and squinted across the ice.

"_What?_" Rachel exclaimed. She skated towards the light and the voice of Quinn she immediately recognized.

"Rachel?" Quinn asked horrified that she had mistaken the lovely voice for a murderer's.. _God I hope it's Rachel..._ but she instinctively backed up incase she had to make a run for it.

"Quinn!" Rachel yelled again before Quinn could run off. She skated closer to the blonde. "Wait!"

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked exasperated. She looked one more time around the pond to make sure no one else was out here.

"Yes, Quinn! I'm fine!" Rachel explained once she got to the blonde, though she was a little out of breath.

"What are you doing out here?" they both asked the other at the same time. Rachel chuckled but Quinn wanted answers to why her heart was beating out of her chest with worry for the brunette.

"Seriously Rachel? I thought you had crashed, or been abducted or something!"

"No, no, no! I was just out here skating!"

"Well why the hell all the way out here?"

"I-... Well..." She was caught off guard. Wanting to explain everything but not come off like an aloof loner, she threw up her hands: "It's just what I do!" Rachel finalized and sought again to catch her breath.

The blonde sighed heavily, trying to calm herself. Her crazed mind got the best of her, like it always did.

"Why did you think I'd been abducted?"

"Your car? Is on the _side of the road_? And it's almost _dark_?" Quinn responded with her eyebrows raised and her hands thrown up in confusion.

"I'm sorry I worried you, but I assure you I am safe."

Quinn sighed, almost chuckling in spite of her pounding heart, and stepped closer to Rachel to took in the whole sight. The gleaming pond, the tall trees. The sight of Rachel Berry in jeans and a normal sweatshirt, plus a pink ski hat with dangling things down her ears. The blonde quietly laughed. Rachel stepped off the ice into the snow so she wouldn't have to keep her balance. With the added inches of the blades, Rachel was at equal height as Quinn. This made her feel uncomfortable, so she backed up.

All of a sudden the winter wind couldn't phase the small girl. Her hands and head felt tingly and her chest was tighter... she was alone with Quinn. This was something she never expected.

Quinn turned and looked at Rachel. "Well at least you're in appropriate winter clothes this evening."

Rachel's eyes widened, realizing that her jeans and ski hat were items that she never felt quite suited her and therefore never wore in public. Her shaking hands pulled on her jacket and smoothed out her jeans, nervously.

"You look comfortable and warm, is what I mean," she explained. She noticed how flustered the brunette seemed to be and it made Quinn more at ease, knowing she wasn't the only one with a somewhat paranoid mind.

"I just wanted to spend as much time out here as I could. I've researched ways to prevent hypothermia and chest colds while still embracing the winter weather," Rachel countered with a nervous smile past Quinn's head. "This is sort of my secret place... I noticed it once when I helped Kurt fix a flat tire... This is why I love the winter."

Quinn smiled gently at the normally shorter girl. "You said you didn't like the winter... you said only snow made you happy."

Rachel looked back at Quinn and then looked to the purple and orange sky. "I love winter for this purpose, really. And I do love snow... with the right company." Quinn smiled to herself, hoping her company was enough to make the brunette happy.

"Would you like to sit?" Rachel asked, pointing to her blanket and small bag of snacks to the right side of the pond.

Quinn shrugged, "Well, yeah. Sure."

The blonde carefully cut across the ice, stepping lightly in her small brown boots. Rachel easily glided over to her blanket and took out the snacks she brought. When Quinn reached the blanket, she carried on the conversation.

"I know your secret now... your secret spot. And I guess you know my secrets too." She was half-joking but figured it was time to be real.

Rachel leaned over to Quinn and held out a thermos of warm tea. "You know I promise not to tell anyone, right? I would never..."

"Yeah, I know... and I promise not to reveal this secret location to anyone either," she couldn't help but joke again.

Quinn took a sip and it brought a smile to her face, though her body was already as warm as it could have been. _I guess it's just Rachel..._

As the sun continued to set, the sky became more and more beautiful. It pained Quinn's heart that she spent so much time away from Rachel, when it was actually her presence that makes her feel more alive than ever. With butterflies in her stomach, she put her hand over Rachel's. Rachel looked Quinn in the eye and chocolate eyes caused hazel ones to tear up only slightly.

"I've just... come to realize... a lot of things lately." Her free hand pulled strings out of the blanked and her free hand continued to tightly hold on to Rachel's. Rachel nodded, urging Quinn to continue.

"And it makes a lot of other things become unbearable. Like being at home... being at school, being forced to be around people who don't care about me." She took a deep breath. "It makes _me_ not care about me either..."

Rachel turned her whole body towards the blonde, held onto Quinn's hand with both of her own and replied, "I care about you. You know I do."

"Yes... Rachel. I know you do. But I think it's in a different way that I've... come to care... about you..." Quinn bit her lip, unsure if Rachel would get the hint.

Always the over-explainer, Rachel tried to reveal all of her feelings. "No, I think I do understand how you're feeling right now." She lowered her head to make sure Quinn kept eye contact instead of hiding away. "These last months, I've come to care about you, your well-being, about your entire being. Going to school, not knowing if I'd see you, not knowing if you were surviving McKinley, not knowing if everything you were going through was getting any better... It's almost torturous."

"Exactly, Rachel! I can't believe that I've put you through all of this!" She couldn't even look Rachel in the eyes, knowing that her pain was felt equally between the two of them. "Telling you all my feelings, I thought would only make it worse for you! Dumping all of my shit-life on you."

"Now you know exactly how I feel. This happy accident, running into you out here, has made me more happy than I've been in months. And I don't even know what is going on! All these things going on, happening to you, I want them to stop! I don't want you to have to deal with them alone."

Quinn couldn't even comprehend all of these feelings Rachel had. It seemed Rachel had enough going on, and avoiding her was making them both more miserable. She took a deep breath and exhaled, watching all of the steam between them from her breath wipe their slate clean.

"I'm sorry Rachel. I just didn't know what to do... about this... About you."

"Please just realize that you're better off with me, and not alone. Not by yourself."

Both of the their tears threatening their eyes fell. Rachel sniffed and finalized: "You've carried all of this on way too far, for way too long. I've got you now." Quinn looked away as she let out a soft sob.

Rachel wrapped her arms around the blonde's shoulders, feeling her heart heal itself for the first time in months. It had actually been forever since she felt complete. She had never felt this whole.

Quinn's small sobs were hushed into Rachel's jacket as she hid her face in Rachel's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she sputtered out in between tears.

"I'm not." She kissed the blonde's head and watched fresh snow fall slowly over her pond.

...

**thank you so very much for reading. i hope you liked it. if you have any comments, feel free to review and leave criticism too. :)**


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